No Finishers at 2026 Barkley Marathons as Earth Opens Its Mouth to Swallow Shrieking Participants Into the Realm of the Dead Before Closing Over Them Forever / No runners finished this year’s famously tough Barkley Marathons, Dumb Runner has learned, afte... See more
Minnesota Native Takes Gold in Long-Run-on-Snow-Covered-Ice Event at Winter Olympics / A Minnesota native triumphed yesterday at the Winter Olympics, taking gold in the Long-Run-on-Snow-Covered-Ice, an event making its Olympic debut this year. Gerda Snedr... See more
TRAGIC! He Sold His Marathon Medals to Buy His Wife a Set of Combs; She Sold Her Hair to Buy Him a Medal Display Rack / A local runner and his wife are reeling after a recent gift exchange took a cosmically ironic turn, Dumb Runner has learned, leaving th... See more
Report: Weeping Runner Has Either Run Too Far, or Not Far Enough / A local runner on a park bench is softly crying to herself, Dumb Runner has learned—possibly because she has run too far. Or not quite far enough. The unidentified woman, dressed in cold-w... See more
‘Muffins Not Included,’ Nathan Stresses in Description of New Muffin Belt / Less than a week after unveiling it, Nathan Sports is stressing that its new Muffin Belt does not include actual muffins, Dumb Runner has learned—a response prompted by scores of ... See more
